Still Learning To Let Go

But I Am Still Here

I have three adult children, ranging in age from 35 to 44. When they first left home, I remember feeling an overwhelming sadness, wondering when they would visit or even just call. But I quickly discovered that being an empty nester was only temporary. Each of them returned home at one point or another — one because of financial hardship, another due to a broken relationship, and the third after losing a job.

Now, at 64, I realize I’ve reached a turning point.

I’ve learned that my children don’t need my unsolicited advice. They don’t always open up about their deepest wounds — the kind that, as a mother, I desperately wanted to help them heal. I’ve felt the sting of being replaced by another woman in their lives, someone who now gets the calls and shares the secrets I once did. That kind of hurt runs deep.

But it’s not my journey. It’s theirs.

---

My Takeaways

• Give without expecting anything in return.
  I had to learn to stop pushing, to wait patiently. Eventually, when they were ready, they would share.
• Listen more than I speak.
  It took time, but I saw how much more they needed someone to hear them — not fix them.
• Grow with the relationship.
  Our dynamic changed, and I had to change with it. If I didn’t nurture my own self — my health, my peace, my purpose — how could I be a source of strength for them?
• Quality matters more than quantity.
  A heartfelt 10-minute conversation means more than an hour filled with distractions or unspoken tension.

---

My Breakthrough Moment

The real shift came when I started focusing on myself — on getting healthier emotionally and physically. That growth helped me stop taking things so personally.

I remember once telling my son that an old friend of his had reached out to me, hoping to make amends. His angry reaction might have crushed me before. But in that moment, I could see it wasn’t me he was angry with — it was the unresolved pain from that friendship. And I didn’t have to carry that weight for him.

---

New Seasons, New Connection

We’re all moving through different seasons in life, and that includes our children. What worked ten years ago in our relationship may no longer be effective today. We’re evolving — and that means adjusting, whether your child lives across the country or right down the street.

Finding common ground again can deepen the bond, no matter the distance. It’s about being patient, not overbearing. It’s about showing up with your heart open, not your hands full of answers.

It’s about loving yourself first, so you can love them freely — as the gifts they are.